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As we drove together down a busy street in my hometown, my mom pointed to a house and excitedly announced, “That’s where my good friend from church lives! Ohhh…I wish I could remember her name!” We both looked at each other and laughed out loud at the evident contradiction of her statement. Yet, for many women, referring to mere acquaintances as friends is typical. Let me ask you a few questions: Do you know at least one woman you can call anytime, day or night, during times of difficulty? Do you know at least two women you can really be yourself with? Are there women in your life you have fun with on a regular basis?
One of the most common complaints I hear among women, especially pastors’ wives and those in leadership, is that they do not have any friends. There are several reasons for this. Some of us, especially those involved in ministry, want others to believe we have it all together all of the time, and true friendship necessitates discarding our masks. Maybe a friend you thought you could trust may have betrayed your confidence. Perhaps you are just too busy to commit the time needed to cultivate deep and lasting friendships. Whatever be the case for the absence of true friends in your life, Jesus himself demonstrated their importance by the relationships He enjoyed with His disciples, “I no longer call you servants…Instead, I have called you friends…” (John 15:15).
There is always an element of risk involved when seeking out a friendship, but I would like to encourage you to find two or three ladies in your church or neighborhood that you would like to get close to. In so doing, you will need to be up to the following three challenges:
Dare To Get Close: Building Intimate FriendshipsDare To Get Close: Building Intimate Friendships.
1. Dare to be transparent
To be transparent means that you are open and honest. Dr. Alan McGinnis, author of The Friendship Factor, explains: “People with deep and lasting friendships may be introverts, extroverts, young, old, dull, intelligent, homely, good-looking; but the one characteristic they always have in common is openness. They have a certain transparency, allowing people to see what is in their hearts.” Obviously, this requires you choose your friends wisely. Proverbs 18:24 warns, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Jesus again sets the example by having only three disciples as His most trusted, intimate friends.
2. Dare to be accepting.
There will be times when you and your friend disagree. When your friend is in a bad mood, she will probably not be very good company. She may even, on occasion, hurt your feelings or make you angry. Accepting your friend is loving her for who she is without judging her, without criticizing her, and without trying to change her. It means forgiving her when she has wronged you, and giving her the freedom to fail.
3. Dare to lose.
Different circumstances can cause us to lose a friend. Although moving to another state doesn’t have to terminate a friendship, it most certainly changes the dynamics of the relationship. As a former army wife, I used to subconsciously keep others at a distance because I wanted to avoid the pain of saying good-bye to friends I knew I might never see again. Often, situations in our life (marriage, having a baby, career change, etc.) lead us down different paths and we find we no longer have much in common. Sometimes, it is the cruel snare of death that takes a beloved friend from us. But Tennyson’s classic words upon the death of his friend still ring true, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”